Looking Young, Feeling Older

I've always been told I look young for my age. I get a kick out of asking people how old they think I am and having them always guess 2-5 years younger. When one of the delivery guys who frequents my office noticed I was pregnant, he said he didn't realize I was old enough to be married.

I think I get it from my parents. My dad turned 50 last year and looks great. No I am not sucking up. My mom turns 50 this year and looks better than she has in years. It makes me look forward to age. Age is not something I think people should be fearful of. I think what really matters is how old you FEEL. I feel 21. I feel 16 on some days. Like the ones where I'm driving down the road with the radio BLARING, singing my heart out. I like those days.

You know you're in trouble when you have those days where you feel 75. I've had a few. My grandmothers have both spoken to me about aches and pains, and there are days I understand them. Not because I'm pregnant, but because I'm human.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm not scared of getting old. I might be singing a different tune the day before my 30th birthday. I do remember bawling with an old boyfriend the day before I turned 19 because I just wasn't ready for it. Nineteen is supposed to be awesome, but for me I just didn't know who or where I was so the thought of the years passing by freaked me out.

I love the place I'm at now. I have a husband who I wouldn't trade for all movie stars in the world. I love this man. I love my relationships with my family. I love being pregnant with my firstborn. I am even enjoying doing on the job training with my replacement for when I go on mat leave.

I have bad days, we all do. But today is a good one. One that was filled with lots of laughs, some new people to get to know, and some fun play fighting that was enjoyed by all. I think I'm going to just live in that place of bliss and hope that when the bad days come, the love of God and the memory of it will carry me through.