Moment

I have my little brother Philip's permission to print a poem he wrote the day after our uncle died. Today is the service, so I thought it was fitting to post it. Think of us at 2 pm as we joyfully say goodbye and remember him. Also, Jericho is 6 months today...time is sure flying...anyways - here goes:

Moment

Do you remember that moment? That moment in your life when everything around you that used to be real to you doesn’t make sense anymore? The instant that you feel something is missing from your life and you don’t know what it is exactly? That burning in your brain and the gnawing in your heart start to be more than unbearable? You think you know what it is but you’re not entirely sure. The moment passes and you wonder about the feeling you had. You wonder at whether it actually happened. Your mind starts flying at a mile a minute. You start to question yourself and your decisions in life. You start saying to yourself “Why do I say those things to my parents?” or “Why do I have such a short fuse?” or “When will I ever grow up?” Integrity is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “Moral soundness”. In that moment you will also question your integrity and your longing for something more. You can’t control your curiosity when you’re in this moment. Your mind goes wild with possibilities like “did I do the right thing?” or “am I not giving enough to people?” or “there must me more than this”. Your thoughts turn into a churning abyss of confusion, the waves bringing a new thought every time. However, the confusion comes down to one thought. This thought is “Why? Why am I here? What am I here for?” Then not long after you think that thought, that person comes. The person that cares about you, this person just swoops in and notices you’re down. This person can always see your distress, he hears your cry. He will never leave you in this moment. You never notice him until this moment, the moment in which you are in deepest pain. His love seeps in and transforms the pain and suffering. It turns into something else entirely, something more powerful than anything else. An understanding in the pain, a hope in the pain, a whole other meaning to the pain that you are experiencing. He helps you realize your worth and how incomplete you are without him. His love is so great you will never know its worth and greatness. You will never be without the love, and you must realize this. Nothing you do will ever change his love for you, ever.

- Philip Robinson